Effects of the Union Budget 2018: A long and tiring day

Today was a hectic day. The morning started with looking at the Union Budget 2018 in the office boardroom. If it were not enough, the actual task had just started - preparing quotes, texts and guest columns on behalf of the company’s MD and Business Unit Heads that would then find their place in the various newspapers or news websites. Quotes, unquote, interpretation of the various rebates and deductions, explaining how the incumbent government’s decision concerning the country’s health with its effect on the Indian population in the long run was the order of the day. Applauding certain proposals made in the budget while subtly criticizing some of its amendments or explaining the keystones in the budget were the highlight that consumed most of my time.

It was fulfilling as much as it was tiring - feeling ecstatic after having able to submit all the articles on time and seeing one of the articles being published in a reputed news website within few minutes. Now that I am done with my entire day’s work, I suddenly feel a shot of pain in my back. This feeling is not something new to people like me who spend hours glued to their seats in front of their computers. Sedentary lifestyle has its own way of affecting health adversely. 

The day is over. In a few minutes, I would be packing my bags getting ready to return home to my family. 

Why must I continue to write?

So many days have passed since I had last posted any article on my blog. Not that I have lost interest in sharing my experiences online, but the exigencies of both life and work bound me to activities deemed necessary then. People assumed that I had gone to exile with no further possibility of donning my writer’s mantle in near future. But then there is nothing more painful and tantalizing than the consciousness of faculties remaining unexercised or withering of inherent abilities under the pressure of manual activities or tasks classified as domesticated.

I cannot ignore my will to write. It is the second best thing that I love after reading. No other hobby or activity has given me similar pleasure or an identity as this. My other hobbies, though excite me to an extent of being satisfied, had not been able to pull me out of that sense of non-identity that I continuously suffered from, nor instilled me with that feeling of self-fulfillment that I constantly craved for.

I read and write, and these are what I am good at. I do not think that I would ever be good at anything else. So under the mask of this blog, I attempt to explore the satisfactions of my asserted self that flow from the emotions that I had forced to contain within me and shared with none. 

Feeling violated at every step

I wonder at times how men view women in their everyday lives. Do men really respect women as they talk to them, interact with them in their daily lives, or is the whole concept of mutual respect nothing short of farce? Working in an office that boasts of equal opportunity for those unbiased of gender and sexual orientation has given me confidence to start viewing certain matters in a way that was deemed impossible nearly a decade ago. But, certain observations seem to mar the very concept of respect towards people of the opposite gender.

A man talks to his female colleague politely, while others of his team continue to look at them curiously. While both might be busy discussing about some report that needs to be completed urgently or new software programs that might alleviate their workload, other men in the team are busy evaluating their female colleague based on traits like waist size, breast voluptuousness, length of skirt or height and sharpness of heels. Then they silently smile at each other making eye contacts to indicate vile comments that better be left unsaid.

While I am not acquainted with men coming from every level of Indian society, the kind of remarks I hear my male colleagues making about women in their families or office makes me wonder if any kind of professional association with them does possess any value in the long run. Traditionally, the society hails women as gossipmongers and backbiters, while the current scenario clearly indicates how men are not far behind when it comes to violating the dignity of those around them or with them. 

Violation of dignity is not limited to molestation or rape alone. A negative look can do much damage, in fact, worse, if not checked. 

Quality of tests matter

Is going back to the basics really the right way of judging if the candidates have adequate grammar and punctuation skills needed to pursue a career in content writing? This is the first question that crept in my mind while I glanced through the questionnaire handed over to me by Accenture, one of the leading MNCs in the country. 

The huge multistory building at one of the most bustling areas in Gurgaon boasts of hiring the smartest people while allowing them relevant opportunities. The reviews on Internet make one believe that the tests taken are one of the most stringent kind allowing no scope for mistakes. Practical experience proved to be otherwise. The questions that the candidates, including me, were required to answer are simpler than the examples quoted in Wren & Martin, a book hailed as the best working piece on grammar.  The essay test seemed like a pastime activity for a 10-year old.

Jokes apart, if this is the level MNCs boast of being high and stringent, one wonders how they define the word “easy”. This kind of lax attitude followed by the management while ensuring employees of the greatest quality reinforces the myth that most companies do not value the importance of Content Writing as a profession or its importance in marketing of their products and services.

The selection process believed to be strict and innovative proved to be easy, long and boring instead. While such MNCs stress on the way they portray themselves in media, they need to exercise caution while planning the course of an interview meant to recruit employees looking to build a career with them. Such tests only coerce the candidates to ask the question, “Does the company understand what it is looking for in its employees?”

‘Being Responsible’

Every page of the newspaper, these days, screams about the raging debate on cow slaughter and consumption of beef being termed as anti-Hindu and hence anti-national. No one really knows what triggered this unnecessary discussion about the choice of food determining the nationality of a person. Police raids, crackdown on hotels and restaurants serving beef and lynching of common people have already sparked off protests by the opposition and intellectuals with some even returning the recognition bestowed on them by the government.

But amongst all these incidents, people constantly predicting on social platform about what lies ahead for the current government, are unable to see the woods from the trees. These people tend to forget that the new government was voted to power to introduce reforms; instead the same government is being pushed to a backtrack on grounds of religious intolerance. While the society, during any age, will always have a minor set of fanatics and bigoted characters, the rest of the society at large gets trapped in its clutches forgetting that the former group is so unnecessary and must be ignored at every step.

While discussing about the future of this sovereign, we are ignoring the present situation when we have the option to move ahead economically and politically, but choose to remain in darkness of controversies that threaten to mar the future of this country.  

Can we strive to reach the end of this tunnel where the light of development awaits us, leaving behind the darkness of intolerance that has been a part of the history of our country for ages?

We have the right to choose as much it is our responsibility to choose.

‘Be You’

Someone asked me recently, “How have you been?” I did not answer; I just smiled back. It would have been inappropriate and rude to tell him that the experience of the past one year of my life has turned me into a misanthropist – a skeptic to be put more simply. The society around me has not changed much; it still remains a masquerade party as it was when I first stepped into the shoes of adulthood. I don’t still know what it is like dealing with real people for I have never experienced anyone rare and genuine.

My experiences are gradually turning the colour of my hair grey with each new silver streak reminding me that many years of my life have indeed passed in knowing people. The punch line ‘Be You’ of a reputed online apparel store keeps flashing itself on almost every form of media advocating the necessity of being the real self. But in a society like ours where a fake curve on the face of a woman makes men go down on their knees, is it possible that honesty is rewarded and integrity acknowledged?

My cynical self has already assured me that the concept of ‘real’ can only be defined and understood in literary pieces and voluminous epics, while my optimistic self still awaits someone who can put my doubts to rest.

'I am on my own'

As I write this piece, I realize how important and beneficial it is for a woman to rely only on herself, especially, in matters pertaining to daily existence.

A feeling of desperation that had only led to frustration and anger had slowly been building up inside me, not against someone in particular, but against the society as a whole where people live under pretence and misunderstanding. In my case, people pretended and I misunderstood. I misunderstood their intent, manipulations and vanity. What I gained in turn was an experience so bitter that I avowed, "I am on my own from today."

This realization came in a bit late but am grateful that it came at a time when I am still capable of making choices regarding my career.

Where simplicity veils the talent within

It was my another day in metro today. Like any other day of the week, I had boarded the metro to Mandi House Station, near which my office is located. Contrary to the sweat-breaking and noisy crowd of everyday, there were not too many people in the coach I had got into. It was a ladies’ coach full of all kinds of women, young & old, beautiful & ordinary, fashionable & simple. Before me, was seated a lady preferably in her mid 30s, ordinary looking with a mole just above her left eyelid, wearing a black printed dress with cobalt blue polka dots. Ordinary as her looks were, her clothes were simpler with no extra frills or laces adorning her dress as opposed to the unnecessary cuts and laces we find in dresses today. The first impression I gathered, from her dress and looks, about that lady was that she probably worked in a lower management position in some private firm. Her dress, looks and mannerisms were too ordinary to lend any grand impression about her.

But overhearing the conversation between her and the girl sitting adjacently, I realised my folly of underestimating her credentials. The lady gleefully informed the girl that she had completed her PhD in Chemistry and that a book authored by her recently got published. The conversation that continued further surprised me when she showed the book titled ‘Heterocyclic Compounds’ authored by her. While taking out the book from her bag, she informed that the book has also found its place in the library shelves of colleges and schools and that it took her two years to complete her research on the subject she had written in. I saw the glint in her eyes that spoke of achievement that could be attained only after years of hard work while the smile on her lips spoke volumes of adulation she had received on account of constant and consistent efforts. Her words revealed the great deal of knowledge she has about her subject, though her simplicity had veiled the talent within.

I learned a lesson today, thankfully, not the hard way – Simple looks veil the talent within.

I seek peace in isolation

My mother has a strange opinion about relationships. She believes that the moment you are born, there would be someone already created and present whose luck and behaviour would complement yours. That person would, sooner or later, walk into your life to give a holistic feel to your, otherwise, incomplete existence and his manner and wishes would in some way fuel your ambitions and fulfil your desires.

Of the 27 years I have lived on Earth, I have not yet found and met none to make me feel complete and secure. And the couples I see existing by my side, in the neighbourhood I live in, have lent me no reason to believe that relationships are necessary for survival or they can provide the necessary impetus one needs to move ahead in life. Everywhere in the streets or offices, I witness married men secretly ogling at their spinster colleagues with a look and discharge powerful enough to destroy their worth and beauty. Strangely, I do not see my and female (married) colleagues behaving in the same fashion. In fact they seem to have accepted the fact that their fate is sealed and doomed and that they are in no way socially superior to their single colleagues despite constant trials to strike an intimate camaraderie with them.

If this is how relationships mould the outlook of the women involved and turn them into marionettes performing in a theatre, then my only wish is ‘God Save Me.’ Hope He has created none with behaviour and luck to complement mine.

I am alone and happy for I have some goals to achieve and desires to fulfil before my body is burned under the pyre and ashes flown into some river.

The intention to bond with someone of the opposite gender does not fit the frame of my mind for I seek peace in isolation and my heart beats for none other than myself.

I wish to be free of the shackles guised and veiled under the colourful nature of relationships.

 

-Amen

 

 

Life ...

I want to be everything except a vulnerable woman. I strive to be everything except a lost soul. My mind wanders in search of the guiding light that gives meaning to life; instead it remains shrouded in darkness inbound. My heart finds peace in isolation as a child finds solace in her mother's arms. I witness the beauty of nature, but unable to comprehend the ugliness within. I am in search of that 'SOMETHING' that I am unable to define.



I  understand; I misunderstand
I am understood; I am misunderstood
I learn; I unlearn
I remember; I forget
I am the light; I am the shadow
I am the flame; I am the wick
As I live and die every moment of my life.

The unbearable pain of silent suffering

You burden my heart with sorrow,
With the pain hidden in you.
Allow me to share your problems,
If not relive them with you.

A strange impact

It is strange that the impact of someone in my life could be so huge. Till date, I knew to think only of myself, but suddenly now I think about him. And then I realize that I think of nothing other than him. His memories wake me at four in the morning and keep me busy all day. His words keep ringing in my ears, his loneliness aches my heart and, for no reason, I have suddenly stopped thinking of myself.

God help me and spare me the trouble, for I know not what I am doing. I am afraid to tread the unknown path of pain and longing and wish to return to who I was, free of emotional baggage and worries.

My emotions at play

His smile makes me smile,
And his tears make me cry.

His silence makes me crazy,
His words give me relief.

I look into his eyes for answers,
instead I find more questions
and a vast sea of loneliness.

I wish to extend my hand to him,
but fear of being pushed back.

I walk beside him under the open sky,
Looking for answers to his questions and mine.

I

I fear to look at what is left behind
I am eager to look at what lies ahead
What I left behind is my past
What lies ahead me is my future
My past is not dark, but is full of grays
My future may not be bright, but is full of rays
What I have left behind is my innocence
What I have embraced is diplomacy
I have put a mask on my face for the world to see
My real self is hidden, but not lost
I am full of disbelief, but have not lost belief
I rush forward as I fear to fall backward.

I beat my conscience today; I beat the very reason of being called ‘human’ today

I did and experienced something which I had heard of till date but had never witnessed it myself. I experienced the selfish side of my nature today. I did something which beat the very reason of classifying myself as ‘human’.

The incident happened when I was coming to office today. On my way to office, I suddenly saw a bitch standing with her two puppies standing in the middle of the road barking at every car that went by. What seemed like barking at first instance was in actual pleading. She was pleading to every passerby for help for her third puppy which lay on the road bleeding. The puppy’s skull was broken. Blood was oozing out from a crack in her head. The puppy had been hit by a car. I saw and witnessed but did nothing. The first thing which came to my mind was that I need to reach the office in time. The second thought was there is no veterinary hospital nearby, so I had no place to take the puppy for treatment. I moved on wishing that someone else would help. I moved on praying that the puppy may suffer a painless death. But by the time I reached halfway to my office, I realized that my mind was looking for excuses in order to beat my conscience and the very intention and desire of helping the puppy. I remember the look in the mother’s eyes, asking for assistance and a bit of time from everyone around her. I remember my apathy for the mother who looked into my eyes and barked at me wishing that I would not ignore her puppy like others. But, it is too late now. I have reached my office now. The puppy must be dead by now. The mother must by howling now sitting by the side of the road. I beat my conscience today. I am no more a ‘human’. I am like others around me whom I consider shameless, disgusting, indifferent, unconcerned, and double-faced. I realized how barefaced I could be to ignore the crying and howling of a mother. I AM SELFISH. I AM DISGUSTING. I AM ‘NO MORE HUMAN’. I am like all others around me. I am no better than them. 


Dear Sorrow,
what do I do with you...?
Why don't you find another home,
another friend...?
Like a bird by the window pane,
You keep visiting me
again & again...
Wonder, what is that
you're looking for...
Someone to talk to,
with someone just like you...?

From Apple to AAP; Lal Bahadur Shastri’s grandson, Adarsh Shastri, leaves plush job to join Kejriwal’s party

The Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) has found for itself another admirer and that too not an ordinary one but the grandson of former Prime Minister, Lal Bahadur Shastri, Adarsh Shastri.

Adarsh (40) who joined the AAP on Friday is also the son of Congress leader Anil Shastri and was the head of sales for Apple in Western India. The unconditional support provided by the Congress to the AAP to form the government in Delhi paves way for Adarsh as a high-profile enlist in the party that takes pride in flaunting the broom.

When asked, Adarsh said that his decision to join the party was solely based on personal conviction. He added that though he had a cushy life with a great company but somehow it did not feel right. He felt inspired by Kejriwal and compelled by the AAP leader to do more.

Adarsh who felt interested in the policies and outlook of the AAP around seven months ago quit his job in the first week of December.

Meanwhile, the Congress leader and father of Adarsh, Anil Shastri talked about the possibility of the AAP changing his son’s way of thinking. Though none of his sons showed any political inclination in the past, he feels that his son should go ahead with his decision if he feels it right.

Adarsh has not been assigned any specific role by the AAP. Also Adarsh who had campaigned for his father in 1989, 1991 and 1996 for Varanasi, Allahabad and Indore seats is ready to contest the Lok Sabha elections if his party allows him to do so.

Adarsh has over 15 years’ experience in the telecom sector and comes from a known political lineage.

The unusual change from a corporate job to donning the cap for a newbie political party facing numerous challenges to fulfill the expectations of the common man may leave the newcomer look for new strategies to make his stint in the political arena successful.