The unbearable pain of silent suffering

You burden my heart with sorrow,
With the pain hidden in you.
Allow me to share your problems,
If not relive them with you.

A strange impact

It is strange that the impact of someone in my life could be so huge. Till date, I knew to think only of myself, but suddenly now I think about him. And then I realize that I think of nothing other than him. His memories wake me at four in the morning and keep me busy all day. His words keep ringing in my ears, his loneliness aches my heart and, for no reason, I have suddenly stopped thinking of myself.

God help me and spare me the trouble, for I know not what I am doing. I am afraid to tread the unknown path of pain and longing and wish to return to who I was, free of emotional baggage and worries.

My emotions at play

His smile makes me smile,
And his tears make me cry.

His silence makes me crazy,
His words give me relief.

I look into his eyes for answers,
instead I find more questions
and a vast sea of loneliness.

I wish to extend my hand to him,
but fear of being pushed back.

I walk beside him under the open sky,
Looking for answers to his questions and mine.

I

I fear to look at what is left behind
I am eager to look at what lies ahead
What I left behind is my past
What lies ahead me is my future
My past is not dark, but is full of grays
My future may not be bright, but is full of rays
What I have left behind is my innocence
What I have embraced is diplomacy
I have put a mask on my face for the world to see
My real self is hidden, but not lost
I am full of disbelief, but have not lost belief
I rush forward as I fear to fall backward.

I beat my conscience today; I beat the very reason of being called ‘human’ today

I did and experienced something which I had heard of till date but had never witnessed it myself. I experienced the selfish side of my nature today. I did something which beat the very reason of classifying myself as ‘human’.

The incident happened when I was coming to office today. On my way to office, I suddenly saw a bitch standing with her two puppies standing in the middle of the road barking at every car that went by. What seemed like barking at first instance was in actual pleading. She was pleading to every passerby for help for her third puppy which lay on the road bleeding. The puppy’s skull was broken. Blood was oozing out from a crack in her head. The puppy had been hit by a car. I saw and witnessed but did nothing. The first thing which came to my mind was that I need to reach the office in time. The second thought was there is no veterinary hospital nearby, so I had no place to take the puppy for treatment. I moved on wishing that someone else would help. I moved on praying that the puppy may suffer a painless death. But by the time I reached halfway to my office, I realized that my mind was looking for excuses in order to beat my conscience and the very intention and desire of helping the puppy. I remember the look in the mother’s eyes, asking for assistance and a bit of time from everyone around her. I remember my apathy for the mother who looked into my eyes and barked at me wishing that I would not ignore her puppy like others. But, it is too late now. I have reached my office now. The puppy must be dead by now. The mother must by howling now sitting by the side of the road. I beat my conscience today. I am no more a ‘human’. I am like others around me whom I consider shameless, disgusting, indifferent, unconcerned, and double-faced. I realized how barefaced I could be to ignore the crying and howling of a mother. I AM SELFISH. I AM DISGUSTING. I AM ‘NO MORE HUMAN’. I am like all others around me. I am no better than them. 


Dear Sorrow,
what do I do with you...?
Why don't you find another home,
another friend...?
Like a bird by the window pane,
You keep visiting me
again & again...
Wonder, what is that
you're looking for...
Someone to talk to,
with someone just like you...?